“I trusted them completely. What did I do wrong?”
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“Is something about me inviting betrayal?”
These are the heart-wrenching questions people often bring into therapy—especially after being cheated on, manipulated, or betrayed by someone they deeply cared for. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or even family dynamics, repeated emotional betrayals can leave us questioning not just others—but ourselves.
Let’s take a step back and explore this pattern from a psychological lens.
Why Do People Cheat or Betray?
First, let’s be clear: betrayal is a reflection of the betrayer’s choices, not your worth. However, understanding why it happens can bring clarity and help us build healthier boundaries in the future.
1. Unresolved Emotional Immaturity
Some people cheat or deceive because they lack the emotional capacity to communicate, commit, or deal with discomfort. Instead of facing their inner void, they seek validation, thrill, or escape elsewhere.
2. Fear of Intimacy or Abandonment
Ironically, people with deep fears of emotional closeness or rejection often betray as a defense—pushing others away before they feel abandoned. It’s dysfunctional, but it’s rooted in early attachment wounds.
3. Narcissistic Traits or Entitlement
Those with high entitlement, low empathy, or unstable self-esteem may use others to feel powerful, loved, or in control. They often rationalize betrayal as “not a big deal” or blame the other person.
4. Convenience Culture
Modern relationships are also affected by social media, dating apps, and “instant gratification” norms. For some, loyalty is diluted by the illusion that “there’s always something better.”
Healing the Pattern: What Therapy Can Offer
In therapy, we don’t just talk about “what happened”—we explore why it keeps happening, and how you can reclaim your power.
Here’s what that healing journey can include:
A Note to Anyone Who’s Been Betrayed
You didn’t deserve to be cheated on.
You didn’t invite the betrayal.
You are not “too much,” “not enough,” or “hard to love.”
The people who betrayed you made choices based on their own unresolved baggage—not because you were lacking.
But healing is in your hands.
You can break the pattern.
You can learn to love and be loved in a safer, more mutual way.
Still You, Evolving.
If you’re ready to stop asking, “Why do they keep hurting me?” and start asking, “What do I truly deserve?”—therapy can guide you there.
Warmly,
Shagun Katoch
Clinical Psychologist | The Light
